I get it – kids are adorable and everyone wants to make them happy and see them smile. But please, I’m begging you, world, please, please stop giving my kids sugar. They think it’s a treat, you think it’s a treat – but I guarantee that it’s no treat…
My kids are sweet and loving and adventurous. See the picture above? That’s one of them after he acquired and ate some sugar. He’s insane.
Before sugar my son is fun, silly, quick-witted and a pleasure to be around. After ingesting some of that sweet snack-time poison, he’s screaming like a banshee and hurling Legos at people while taking a toy axe to his bunk bed! Psychiatric lockdown-type stuff!
Now, before you ask why I just don’t give them sugar & police their eating habits better, allow me to explain – I DON’T give them sugar. I don’t want to spend the rest of the day as a hostage to a tiny little maniac in my own home.
Here are the top sugar sources in my kids’ lives:
Yes, I too thought the school would know better. They have a phenomenal physical education program. They have a daily running club, in which my child has run nearly 200 miles this year. Its brilliant. Or at least I thought it was brilliant until I discovered that the top runners are rewarded with gummy worms!
It also seems to be someone’s birthday at least twice a week, which means cupcakes or cake or little goody bags of sweets. I asked my son’s kindergarten teacher about it and she said, “Don’t worry. I save the treats for the end of the day so the sugar highs don’t interfere with their lessons.” But that’s exactly what I’m worried about. If you want to get them hyped up on candy, please do it at 9:30 in the morning so you can live with the consequences of your poor decision all day. I only get a few precious hours with my darling angels every day and it’s so much more pleasant when they’re not bouncing off the walls and screaming at me before the inevitable crash and evening sugar withdrawal sets in. Now everyone’s day is ruined!
The class newsletter last week revealed they had made ice cream on Monday, had a party on Tuesday with brownies and green popcorn, and I’m supposed to supply cookies for events on both Thursday and Friday. If you’re going to keep force-feeding the kids sugar, then please stop assigning homework. Because they’re not sitting still. It’s not getting done!
Now, isn’t it enough that we’re offering kids the free gift of eternal salvation without trying to sweeten the deal with candy? My kids come home from their Wednesday night program loaded up with goodies after being rewarded with huge amounts of treats for the Bible verses they recite – and it just so happens that my boys have excellent memories.
This is, of course, right before bedtime. Wednesday nights are therefore filled with pure, unadulterated chaos, rivaled only by the stress of Thursday mornings, when we’re trying to get two kids dressed and off to school while they’re detoxing from the previous night’s sugar binge.
I’ve tried complaining. Everyone else thinks I’m a mean mom trying to suck the joy out of childhood. I assure you I’m tons of fun. I also assure you we have more fun when everyone is acting sane and I’m not battling two mini Hulks who are completely out of control.
One day my son asked me, “Was grandma like this when you were little?” I tried to explain that, no, when I was little, if I wanted something sweet to eat I had to bake a pie — and then do all the dishes. Every time I walked into a room I wasn’t presented with chocolate milk and ice cream and M&Ms and Oreos and Popsicles…. But Grandma has transformed into some sort of sugar and toy-supplying magical fairy. She’s a rockstar. The kids love her. No mom stands a chance against grandma and everyone knows it!
So while we do our best to wage war on candy in our home, we seem to be fighting a losing battle. Without fail, when they kids are having a particularly difficult evening, hubby and I will look at each other and one of us will ask, “Did they have sugar?”